EP. 12: Surviving the Holidays with Grace

You do not have to sacrifice your peace this holiday season. And I know, if that angry uncle starts with you, you’re gonna say something back. But what if I told you there was a way to address the conflict without having a major blowout? 

At the end of the day, all we want is to enjoy our time with our families. And having a screaming match at the dinner table is now how we want to spend our holidays. So I’ve compiled a list of tips, tricks, and mindset shifts to help you maintain your peace and ease some of the usual family conflicts. 

In this week’s episode, we talk about surviving the holidays with grace. The holidays are about love, togetherness, and holiday cheer. So let’s maintain all those warm, fuzzy feelings with a mental toolbox of conflict resolution tips. If you know that the holidays are going to be tricky this year, but you also don’t want to let people walk all over you for the sake of keeping the peace, tune into this week’s episode! 

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Transcript: EP. 12: Surviving the Holidays with Grace

Odette: Hi everyone. Welcome back to Life and Love By Design. I'm Odette Cornell, and today we're talking about surviving the holidays with grace. So if you come from a big, loud family such as my Cuban family, sometimes the holidays can be a little bit tricky, especially when it comes to certain family dynamics.

So if you've. Ever felt stressed, thinking about the holidays, thinking about seeing relatives or anticipating arguments, or maybe even you're feeling nostalgic, remembering someone that isn't gonna [00:02:00] be there this Christmas 'cause maybe they've passed, or if you're just, you know, trying to keep the peace.

This episode is for you. So around the holidays, even for Christmas Eve and Thanksgiving, we usually have at least 20 to 25 people at our gatherings. And you know, we're talking grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and everyone's energy is super high. But over the years, we have learned how to keep it fun and festive and mostly drama free.

So today I'm gonna share my personal tips, tricks and mindset shifts for surviving the holidays while maintaining peace, harmony, and joy,which is really what the holidays is all about. So the very first thing that I wanna mention is set the tone early. One of the keys to a really smooth holiday is making sure that everyone knows what to expect. So in my family, we've had our traditions for a really long time, and because everyone [00:03:00] kind of knows what to expect, there's a certain kind of certainty which reduces drama.

For example, a long time ago, my sisters and I decided that we were just gonna skip gifts.

We weren't gonna exchange gifts with each other or with each other's children. Now, this has helped alleviate the pressure and the stress. Nobody's worried about, you know, comparing present or feeling obligated, or spending money that you really don't have, and really you can focus on. You know, buying gifts for your own children.

Now, I'm not suggesting that you do this in your family, but this is an example of a routine or a ritual that we created in my family where it just created less stress for everyone and.And another thing that everyone kind of knows what to expect is everyone brings a dish, and we've been doing it so long, everyone already knows this. You bring the same thing every year. We don't have, we don't need reminders because we've been doing it for so long. Everyone knows to expectAnd this way one [00:04:00] person doesn't feel overloaded and there's a sense of shared contribution, and everyone feels involved. Everyone feels appreciated, so. If you're hosting, remember to set clear expectations ahead of time from meal contributions to schedule. Make sure everyone knows ahead of time and try to make it the same thing every year.

What time is everyone going to arrive? What time are we going to eat? What is the menu gonna look like? Kind of keep it pretty concise and make a tradition out of it, and make sure that you communicate with everyone clearly so that this prevents any kind of last minute stress or tension. next, make sure that you incorporate fun and meaningful rituals and playfulness. I know that my family thrives because we really embrace fun and tradition. So for example, for Thanksgiving, we usually have this Turkey made out of construction paper that my sister puts on the wall, and every single member of the family takes a feather and they write [00:05:00] down the things that they're grateful for, and then we put it.

With the feather on the Turkey, and we have been doing this for years and years and years. Then at the end of the night, we all read the feathers on the Turkey and we share. What we're grateful for, and this is a beautiful tradition that my family has, so create whatever it is that works for you. We also play games and we're pretty silly.

Sometimes it's, they're competitive, but they're always really fun and lighthearted, And this gives everyone a chance to laugh and connect and bond and create new memories together.So my tip is to create a ritual of fun, of games, playfulness or of gratitude, something that's familiar and fun and inclusive of everyone. So it can be as simple as a gratitude circle. Some kind of trivia.

Game karaoke is a lot of fun if, if you like singing and something that's predictable, but there are positive moments that really anchor the day and [00:06:00] create opportunities for bonding and connection and creating memories together. Then you wanna think about how you're gonna manage difficult dynamics. So even in the best families, conflicts arise and you wanna handle it in a way where you're just kind of [00:07:00] leading with curiosity rather than judgment. So even if there's a. Relative that might say something that's challenging or annoying or aggressive.

Try to ask questions rather than argue, maybe you are making it mean something that that's not the way that it was intended. So try to be curious rather than judgmental about it. And sometimes the person just needs to be heard and that in itself is gonna diffuse the tension. Also, make sure that you're setting gentle boundaries.

So, for example, if a difficult conversation comes up, just decide to either, you know, walk away or redirect the conversation towards a moreneutral topic. And you wanna remember to focus on what you can control. You know, you can't change everyone. You can't make everyone be nicer, get along, but you can control your reactions, your energy, and your presence. So plan your exit strategies in advance, [00:08:00] plan your conversation tools ahead of time, whether it's redirecting or stepping away or using humor, and just have a few techniques in mind ready to how you're gonna protect your piece. And you know, mindset really matters. Ultimately, surviving the holidays isn't about logistics. It's just about your mindset. So focus on being grateful rather than holding grudges this focus on what's good rather than what's annoying or what someone did wrong. Just focus on being grateful for having each other in your lives, and imperfection is totally okay. The day isn't gonna be perfect. Things may go wrong, and that's fine. That's life. Embrace it. Engage where you can and let go where you can't. My family thrives because we celebrate togetherness, we celebrate with laughter and contribution and not perfection. We're totally not perfect actually. Sometimes it's an actual mess, but we embrace the [00:09:00] chaos and the fun and the laughter, and we are hearts are filled with joy and gratitude because of it.

So that's a huge lesson for anyone navigating the holidays with family tension.

So some. Practical takeaways are, number one, set expectations early, whether, whether it's meals, gifts, contributions, make sure everyone knows what to expect. Create rituals and traditions that really anchor positivity in your family and create memories and shared experiences. Prepare tools ahead of time for conflict, whether it's redirecting humor or just stepping away.

Focus on gratitude and what you can control and let go of the rest. And remember to keep it fun, incorporate games, storytelling, sharing gratitude, and lots and lots of laughter. These things are really powerful. Peacekeepers. These shared experiences are how we create new memories, how we bond and connect. And are ultimately what [00:10:00] really matters and what family is for. Remember? Yes. The holidays can be chaotic. The holidays can be loud. They can be emotional. They can. Trigger things in us, but they can also be joyful. They can also help us connect and they can be super meaningful. So it all comes down to being intentional, to thoughtful boundaries and a mindset of gratitude and fun. you try any of these strategies this season, I'm pretty sure that the energy in your gatherings is gonna shift. And remember, family does not have to be perfect to be wonderful. So thanks for listening to Life and Love by design. And if you liked this episode, be sure to share it with someone that could use a little bit of holiday sanity. And until next time, remember that your life and your love are yours to design. [00:11:00]