EP. 3: Let Your Values Lead the Way
- odettecoronel
- Oct 15
- 14 min read
Updated: Oct 21
Our values are what tell us if we’re living the life we’re truly meant to live or not. That gross, gut feeling we get when we don’t stand up for ourselves, or when we accept something we shouldn’t, means we are not aligned with our values. And if we keep living in misalignment, we start to feel like we’re living on autopilot.
That is no way to live. When we want to change our lives or even change our love lives, it’s often because we’re not living in alignment with our values. By identifying what values are, we can start living in alignment with them.
In this week’s episode, we’re talking about how we can let our values lead the way. Our values are what’s more important to us. They tell us who we are and what we want to be. So if we’re ever feeling lost or confused, leaning on our values is the compass we need to make the right decision. It can be difficult to figure out these feelings on our own, which is why we’re going to do it together.
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Transcript: EP. 3: Let Your Values Lead the Way
Odette: Welcome back to Life and Love by Design. Today is episode three of the podcast, and it's called Let Your Values Lead The Way, and it's about why your values are your internal compass or your internal GPS. And you know, as I said before, these first few episodes are gonna be very foundational and I wanted to spend the time to talk about values because I think it's so important.
It's something that I do with my clients, I do with my children in my marriage, and I really believe in being clear on your values. So have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew what felt right deep down inside, but doing it meant going against the crowd? One of my clients was in that situation.
She was at work and [00:02:00] they were working on a team project, and one of the team members was really not doing his part. He was not contributing to the project. So as you can imagine, the other team members were feeling really frustrated and annoyed with this team member. And before you know it, that frustration was turning into gossip and they were venting about him behind his back.
And my client was also feeling frustrated and annoyed with her coworker, but something about the gossiping and the venting behind his back just didn't sit right with her. So she was feeling like an internal discomfort and she was kind of questioning herself, like, who do I wanna be in this moment? But at the same time, she did not wanna be the odd man out.
She didn't wanna go against the crowd. Because like most of us, she wanted to belong. She wanted to be part of the team. So she was really feeling torn between the desire to fit in and to [00:03:00] belong, and her desire to stay true to herself and be authentic and not gossip about her coworker. And it's moments like these where knowing your values are so powerful and they can really serve as your internal compass and your GPS and can help you make the right decision.
Because it's not just knowing your values, because in this case, these values, she knows what they are, but they're in conflict with each other, and that happens often. That's what it is about making decisions that makes it so hard. We find value in both sides of that decision. So we look at those values and we look at what's happening, and we have to decide which value are we prioritizing in that moment or in that situation.
So what are values anyway? What, what are they When we're talking about values, first thing I wanna clarify is that when we talk about values, it has nothing to do with your value as a human being or as a person. It's [00:04:00] not about your worth. I just wanna say that you are worthy, your valuable, your priceless.
It's not about that. When we're talking about values. Let's start off with the dictionary. Definition of the word values. According to Miriam Webster dictionary value is a noun, and most of its definitions is associated with something in terms of money. But for our purposes and what we're talking about, I'm gonna look to the third and fourth DEF definitions, and it talks about relative worth, utility, or importance.
Or something intrinsically desirable. So it's something that's intangible, like authenticity, honesty, generosity, humility, uh, money freedom. Family love. So when we think about those intangible things, those intangible values, think about what is valuable about the things that are important to you in your life.
And many times people use the word [00:05:00] values and morals interchangeably, but there's a slight difference. So the values are the things, those things that we mentioned before that are of worth or are important to you in your life and your morals are more like. Because of your values, there's that lesson behind it or that principle that you believe because your values inform your morals.
So maybe think about, you know, the moral of the story is X, Y, Z, whereas the value is what's important about it. So I just wanted to make that distinction between morals and values, because I know we often use them interchangeably, but there is a slight difference. Our values. What guide our decisions. They determine how we feel, how we think, how we behave, and even the person that we want to become.
If you change it to a verb, it's what you value, what matters most to you, what you stand for, maybe what you stand against, what kind of legacy you wanna leave behind. Those are all [00:06:00] tied to our values, and they would give meaning to everything that we do, and they're really connected to our purpose. So in my client's situation, she wasn't just deciding what to do, she was deciding who she wanted to be in that moment.
And it's not just what's important to you. I want you to go a little bit deeper. It's why it's important to you. What is behind that value? What about that value matters to you? It's not just what you want or what your goal is, but also why you want that, why you have that goal. It's about what you're gonna feel like, what it's gonna look like, what you're gonna act like once you reach that goal, or you have that thing that you desire.
And it really is the motivation behind anything that we want in life. Again, it's our internal compass, our internal GPS, and they guide us. They lead us to make sure that we're traveling in the right direction to make sure that we're traveling towards our true north. So if [00:07:00] we think about it in terms of an internal GPS or an internal compass, imagine you get in your car, you have to plug in.
Your destination or else you're not gonna really know where you're going, you're just gonna be driving around aimlessly. But the GPS, as long as your coordinates are in there, and you know whether you're traveling north, south, east, west, even if you don't know exactly what route you're gonna take or what the next turn is gonna be, as long as you know you're traveling in the direction you wanna go in.
You know that you'll be okay. And even if there's a detour, even if there's an accident on the road or something happens, your your GPS is gonna redirect you. It's gonna reroute you, and you're gonna get on the road in the right direction. And our values work in the exact same way. Even when life throws you off course, even when life throws you challenges or really difficult decisions that aren't that cut and dry, that aren't that easy to make, when we're really clear on our values, that's gonna help [00:08:00] us make the decision.
It's gonna help us to prioritize what's most important to us at the time. And whatever we decide is either gonna bring us closer to our values and live more in alignment with our values, or it's gonna lead us further away. So, for example, let's imagine that you just got offered this amazing job, but you have to move to a new city.
What are you gonna do? There's a part of you that really values your career and your job, but maybe there's a part of you that also values family and community. It's not about doing what's right or wrong. There is no right or wrong. It's knowing your values and prioritizing, you know, which value is most important at this time.
Maybe there's a certain time in your life when building your career is really important. Maybe at another time, family is most important. You have to figure it out for yourself. There's, this is not something that anyone else can figure out for you. It's a very deeply personal [00:09:00] process. Or imagine if you're trying to make the decision of whether or not to start a family, again, it, there's no right or wrong decision.
It's a personal decision. It's something that you have to make on your own. You and your partner think about what is important, what is the value of starting a family now, what would I value about starting a family? Then also ask yourself, you know, what do I value about not starting a family and just keeping things as they are.
Once you see what the value is, your value behind it, that's gonna help you make the right decision that's most important for you at this time. And that's what's really interesting about my client situation. You know, it wasn't just about the office dynamics, it's about the values being in conflict. On the one hand, she valued connection and belonging, but those values were in conflict with her value of integrity.
She really wanted to feel part of the group, which is totally human. We all wanna feel a sense of belonging. We wanna be part of the group. We don't wanna be excluded. But she also wanted to be [00:10:00] true to herself and treat people with respect. Even if she didn't agree with them, even if she was frustrated with the way that they were behaving.
So I like to reflect regularly on what values guided me this week, and I'll share with you, I had a special reminder about what it means to live in alignment with my values. This week, my dad celebrated a milestone birthday. He just turned 70 years old, and we gathered close family and friends, and we celebrated my dad, and it was very intimate, small gathering.
Not big at all. It wasn't fancy. It was. Literally in my parents' backyard. But we were surrounded by family close friends that had shared so many memories and experiences throughout the decades. And we shared stories, shared memories. We sang, I love karaoke, so of course we, it was singing. It was such a special moment, such a special time, and I was reminded of my personal values of.
Family and connection and community. [00:11:00] You know, we weren't just celebrating a birthday, we were celebrating the relationships and the memories and all that love that held us together. And in that moment, I really felt a sense of peace and fulfillment. And I realized, yes, this is what really matters most to me.
Now, I did notice a few moments where I almost fell out of alignment, where I had to reroute, and that is just in the planning and then putting it all together. It got a little bit stressful, got a little OA little bit overwhelming, making sure that everything was right, everything was perfect, that we had enough food, enough, uh, plates and utensils and little things like that.
Started to get stressed, noticed myself starting to get out of alignment, and that's when I pulled myself back and reminded myself about what was most important. So really, why does alignment with your values matter? So many of us don't even think about what our values are, but we have them whether we are aware of them or not.
We have values and you know, [00:12:00] initially we inherit our values from our parents, from our family, from our schools. Church work, our friends, social media even. All of these things influence our values and what we value. And as we get older, we can kind of decide on purpose what we wanna value or what we really do value.
We wanna be more intentional with our values. When you don't know your values. That's when you run the risk of being out of alignment. We are just kind of mindless. We're operating in a way that's just reactive, just kind of going along and, and we're on autopilot. We're just going through the motions. We just kind of go with the flow, which, you know, it's great to be flexible and adaptable, but it's really important to be purposeful and intentional.
And when you're out of alignment, that's when you end up keeping habits that maybe aren't healthy for you or aren't. Right for you are not leading you towards becoming your best [00:13:00] self or be, or your happiness or joy, or your purpose. Not being in alignment keeps you stuck, keeps you in your comfort zone, and makes you not go for the things that you really wanna do or you really wanna attract in your life.
They keep you from really becoming the person that you wanna. You end up saying yes to things that you don't wanna say yes to. You do it either out of obligation or 'cause you feel bad or you feel guilty. And over time you start to feel resentful. You might get overwhelmed, burnt out, and it goes back to just being out of alignment with your values.
Peer pressure is an example of being out of alignment with your values. You may feel pressure to do something that inside you really don't wanna do. You know it's wrong, but because you wanna belong, because you don't wanna be different, you may do it anyway and it's probably gonna lead you further away from the person you really wanna be.
Imagine if you go to the store and you buy something and the cashier makes a mistake at the cash register, and she gives you back too much [00:14:00] change. What are you gonna do? Do you let her know and you give her back the money, or do you keep it? It all depends on your values. When you know your values, then you're gonna make the decision that feels right and is in alignment with you.
When you're in alignment with your values, then you're gonna be able to decide what kind of marriage you have, what kind of partner you wanna have, what kind of partner you wanna be, even what kind of career you wanna have. Everything is based. On your values. It is really the foundation of every decision that we make, the way that we behave, the way that we think, and the way that we feel.
So when you're not in alignment, you will feel stressed, you'll feel burnt out, you'll feel overwhelmed. You might even get sick. But when you're living in alignment with your values, that's when you feel clarity. That's when you feel calm, peace, even joyful and energized, and all of those positive feelings that we all wanna feel.
We all wanna have more of those things in our lives. Just notice when we go against [00:15:00] them, we feel that inner tension inside. We feel it in our gut. That is our gut telling us whether or not we're making the right decision. And again, our values give meaning to everything that we do. And when we live in alignment with them, we really tap into our sense of purpose, which sits at the highest level of human fulfillment.
We all wanna feel that sense of purpose. So how do you figure out what your values are and how can you live more intentionally and more in alignment with your values? Well, I'm gonna give you a little exercise to practice doing so that it can, you can become more intentional. And again, it all goes back to awareness.
We spoke about awareness before. We need to be aware of what our values are. Start off with a list. You can find one online, or I have a list of values in my workbook journal that create an awesome life journal. Include a list of values there. Take a look at that list, read over the [00:16:00] values, and just circle or write down which of those values resonate the most with you.
And then next I want you to do what I call a brain purge or a brain dump, and just sit down and write a list of all the things in your life that are most important to you. So it could be your family, your job, it could be money, success, love. Generosity, humility, anything. Anything that you think is important to you in your life.
And then for each of those things, I want you to dig a little bit deeper and write down why they matter to you. Why are those things important to you? So what's important about your career? What's important to you about being a dad or about being a husband? Why does it matter to you? What's important about humility?
What's important about generosity? We have a tendency to assume that everyone around us shares the same values, or that those values mean the [00:17:00] same thing to everyone else. But in reality, each value can mean something completely different to each individual person. So if you think of the value money, let's say you value money well to one person.
When you ask them what's important about money, why is that valuable to you? Why do you find that valuable? They may say it's because of status, that it gives them status and power to someone else that identifies the value of money. They may say that it's signifies security and stability, and then maybe to a third person it may signify generosity.
They can help more people and be generous. If they have money. So see, it's money, but it means something very different to those three different people. And the same goes for every single value. If you say you value fashion, that's something we didn't talk about before and it's, I don't think it's on my list, but [00:18:00] fashion is something that to some people, they really value that.
Well, what is it that's important to you about fashion? To one person, it may be self-expression or creativity to someone else. Fashion may represent beauty. They feel beautiful when they feel fashionable and to someone else, it just may be about status and they feel they're important when they're associated with brand name clothing, for example.
So again, it means something completely different to each person. In NLP, we refer to that as the criteria. So the criteria for those values. Means something very different to each person. So we wanna really connect with the value, but we wanna go deeper and we wanna connect with the criteria behind that value.
How do we know we're living in alignment with that value? What does that look like? What does it feel like? Who am I when I'm living in alignment with that value? So start a practice of checking in with yourself on a regular basis. You can do it daily, you can do it [00:19:00] weekly. And maybe just start off by noticing.
What value guided my decisions today or this week? Just notice what values came up for you and ask yourself, where was I not in alignment with my values? And then see if you can be more intentional and maybe pick three to five values that you really wanna honor and pay attention and ask yourself, how can I intentionally?
Live in alignment with these values. What can I do? What can I say? How can I feel? How can I think, who can I be in order to live more in alignment with these specific values? So notice where you spend your time, where you spend your energy, and where most of your focus is this week. So remember, no one lives in alignment with their values 100% of the time.
So remember to please be kind to yourself and just notice and make small, intentional shifts when necessary. Reroute yourself. Make small adjustments. [00:20:00] Schedule your priorities and remember to say no before you become burnt out, before you become overwhelmed and resentful. And remember to check in with yourself regularly and keep asking yourself, am I living in alignment with my values?
Am I intentionally being the person that I wanna be? Because your values are your internal compass. They are your internal GPS. So remember, just let them leave the way. I hope you enjoyed today's episode, and I wanted to let you know if you're curious about working with me one-on-one, visit my website, odettecornell.com and book a free discovery call where we can chat together and see if coaching is right for you.
So until next time, remember, your life and your love are yours to design. [00:21:00]
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