EP. 4: Limiting Beliefs and Rewriting the Stories That Are Keeping You Stuck

Limiting beliefs start out as a way to protect yourself, but if they never get resolved, they can evolve into an untrue story you tell yourself. For example, if you get a bad burn while cooking, you may never want to set foot into a kitchen again because cooking is dangerous. This is the story you tell yourself, and as time goes on, it limits your ability to feed yourself, develop your cooking skills, and work through your fears. 

Many of my clients want better for themselves; they want to improve their lives and their relationships, but they refuse to get out of their own way. It makes sense to them because they’ve been hurt before. Whether it was a relationship, a bad experience with a manager, or something in their childhood that never got resolved, people get stuck in limiting beliefs because they think they are keeping themselves safe. When in reality, they’re holding themselves back. 

In this week’s episode, we’re identifying what limiting beliefs are and how you can rewrite the stories that are keeping you stuck. To build an intentional life and an intentional relationship, it’s important to take a look at our limiting beliefs and how they’re holding us back. The only way to get over them is to work through them, and this week, we’re doing it together. 

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Transcript: EP. 4:   Limiting Beliefs and Rewriting the Stories That Are Keeping You Stuck

(Final Video) EP. 4:   Limiting Beliefs and Rewriting the Stories That Are Keeping You Stuck

Odette: [00:00:00] Another really common belief that I see in a lot of my clients is if I leave my partner, then no one else will love me. And what ends up happening is they end up staying longer than they should. In these relationships that are really not aligned with what's best for them, they're, they stay stuck in these relationships.

And if they believed that they were lovable. They would have the courage to walk away from these relationships and find the true love that they deserve. So that belief is keeping them from the happiness and the love that they actually deserve and want.

[00:01:00] 

Odette: Welcome back to Life and Love by Design. Today we're talking about limiting beliefs and rewriting the stories that are keeping you stuck. So imagine that you're in the kitchen and you're cooking dinner for your family, and all of a sudden something happens, an accident happens, and you burn yourself on the hot stove, and it's really painful.

You'd never wanna experience it again, and you decide that being in the kitchen. And cooking is really dangerous and you never wanna do that again because you don't wanna get burnt. Now you have this belief and time has gone on, and since you believe that being in the kitchen is dangerous, you don't set foot [00:02:00] in the kitchen.

You won't make yourself any meals. You no longer cook for your family. You don't bake cakes anymore. You just refuse to set foot in the kitchen. You won't even get yourself something to drink from the refrigerator because you believe that being in the kitchen is dangerous. So, I know this sounds a little bit extreme, but really this is what limiting beliefs do.

They make sense how we form them. Initially, we do feel pain and we wanna do everything that we can to avoid repeating that pain, but we develop this belief and then we carry it with us into the future and to other experiences while still applying that belief. And they prevent us. They hold us back from experiencing new things.

So let's dive in into what limiting beliefs are. Before we get into the limiting beliefs, let's first start with beliefs. What are beliefs? Well, if you think about it, beliefs are thoughts or stories that [00:03:00] we have in our mind and we form them from things that we've experienced, or maybe our parents or our upbringing or society, just like our values, and we think these thoughts over and over again, or we create these stories and then we accept them as.

The truth is our truth, but they're not necessarily truth. They're not a universal truth, but they are things that we believe and we accept as the truth. Tony Robbins talks about global beliefs and he talks about rule-based beliefs. So global beliefs are things like life is fill in the blank. Life is beautiful, life is a struggle, life is amazing.

Or I am. Whatever. I am worthy. I am smart, or people are crazy, people are humble, people are generous. Whatever it is that you believe, those are global beliefs and rule-based beliefs are more like judgments, [00:04:00] such as, I should blank. You should whatever I have to, whatever. So all of these things that we believe they can either empower us.

Motivate us and they're really useful. Or sometimes they limit us and they hold us back from the things that we really want to do, or from having a better quality of life. A limiting belief is like saying cooking is dangerous, or being in the kitchen is dangerous because you got burnt one time. It's a generalization, like a shortcut that your brain makes in order to protect you.

And again, it made perfect sense at the time that it happened, but it's no longer useful to keep. Believing that belief, and a few examples of limiting beliefs are, I'm not lovable, or I am not smart enough, or I'm too old to do this. Those are all example of beliefs that if we didn't believe that, what are the possibilities?

What will we do instead? Each one of these beliefs [00:05:00] started somewhere. They started because of some painful experience that we had or we got hurt, or maybe our parents told us something, or a teacher or someone. Something happened and we created this belief or this story. We learned this, and then we just kept it.

We kept it all of these years. So think about what are the things that we are not doing? What are the kitchens that we're not going into because of these beliefs that we have? And why is it so important to be intentional about your beliefs? Well, it's important because what you believe is what you perceive.

It's the lens that you look through when you look at situations, and it can either distort the image or it can help you see more clearly. For example, if you believe I'm not successful, I'll never be successful. Well then what's probably gonna happen is that you are not going to take [00:06:00] advantage of opportunities that come your way to maybe lead to some success.

Or if you believe, you know, relationships always end in pain, then chances are you're gonna attract partners that aren't aligned with you and you'll find evidence for it, and it almost becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know a few people that are afraid of airplanes. They're afraid of flying.

They believe flying in an airplane is dangerous, and because they have that belief, it's not whether it's true or not, it's about what that belief is limiting from them. How many vacations have they not gone on with their families? How many new places have they not explored or visited? How many, maybe a special honeymoon or something that they could have had with their partner, but because they have a belief that flying is dangerous, they won't do that.

They won't do it. They limit themselves and then they limit their families as well, or their partners because that belief leads to, doesn't just impact you, it impacts the people [00:07:00] around you. A lot of people have beliefs in terms of their body image, their body image, or their appearance. The other day I was talking to my daughter and she was feeling kind of self-conscious because she's got some acne, and we talked about it and we uncovered that the reason why she was feeling so bad about her acne and she was avoiding seeing people, she didn't wanna see people because of it, is because she believed that if people saw her, they were gonna think that she was ugly.

We sat and we exploited a little bit, and the fact that she has an acne breakout is the circumstance and it's neutral. Her belief that everyone that sees her is gonna think that she's ugly is just a belief. It's not true. I see her and I don't think she's ugly. That's just an example of a belief, and because she had that belief, she kind of was limiting herself and she was keeping herself closed in and avoiding people and avoiding social situations, and it's just because of a belief it wasn't true.

I even told my daughter, I said, if [00:08:00] I imagine I had spinach in my teeth or something in my teeth and you told me, oh, you've got something in your teeth. What if I created the belief, oh my goodness, she thinks I'm ugly, or she thinks I'm. Dirty or I'm not clean because I have spinach on my teeth. Really, the fact that I have something in my teeth is just, it's neutral.

It's just a circumstance. You can tell me and I'll just go and remove it, brush my teeth or, or floss or whatever. It doesn't mean that I need to develop a belief that people are gonna think that I'm ugly or that I'm dirty because I have spinach in my teeth. It's neutral. It's just the circumstance.

Another example is let's say that you get into a little fender fender while you're learning to drive, and then all of a sudden you develop the belief that driving is dangerous and you decide you're never gonna drive because it's so dangerous. Think of all the things that you're limiting yourself from by not driving.

What experiences would you have if you didn't have that belief? Think about the places that you can go, the [00:09:00] independence that you would have if you just didn't have the belief. Yes. That belief made sense when you got into that little fender bender for you to feel afraid and nervous, and your brain is just trying to protect you.

It doesn't want to repeat that feeling, that that negative experience, but because you keep thinking that over and over again, and you've developed this belief, now you're suffering that pain over and over again. You're still suffering the consequences of that experience. Whereas if you decided, you know what?

I'm going to drive cautiously. And do my best to drive safely, then your experience would be very different. Another really common belief that I see in a lot of my clients is if I leave my partner, then no one else will love me. And what ends up happening is they end up staying longer than they should.

In these relationships that are really not aligned with what's best for them, they're, they stay stuck in these relationships. [00:10:00] And if they believed that they were lovable. They would have the courage to walk away from these relationships and find the true love that they deserve. So that belief is keeping them from the happiness and the love that they actually deserve and want.

So how do you reframe a limiting beliefs? Let's walk through this. How do we replace and rewrite these stories that we're telling ourselves? So we'll start one step at a time, and the first thing that you wanna do is you wanna identify the belief. And I recommend that you start by just noticing all of your beliefs.

Maybe sit down for a moment and write down all the beliefs that you notice about yourself without judging whether they're limiting or not. And just kind of become aware of them. And then ask yourself, where, what area in my life do I feel stuck? Once you're able to find that area and identify that area where you feel [00:11:00] stuck, ask yourself, what are the thoughts or the stories behind this stuckness?

What is it that I'm believing or thinking over and over again? What stories have I created? So whatever it is that that story is, or that belief is what, either I'm not good enough or I'm not good with money, or I'm just really bad at math. Or I'm terrible at sports. Whatever it is, that's where you're stuck.

That's your limiting belief. That's your kitchen, so to speak, and that's the place that you've been avoiding. Next, you wanna find the root cause. So take a minute and ask yourself, what's the earliest memory that I have of this belief? What was the first time that I thought this? Where did I learn this?

See if you can trace it back. A lot of times it happens in childhood or it could have been from a heartbreak from a previous relationship. And then when you're able to trace it back to the root of the belief, then you're gonna realize that it's really not that irrational. You [00:12:00] made perfect sense at the time for you to believe that.

So you want to acknowledge that You wanna show yourself some self-compassion. You wanna show yourself appreciation and thank the part of yourself that believed that at the time and was trying to protect you. You wanna also acknowledge and let that part know that you no longer need it to protect you, that you're an adult now and you can make other choices and you can learn the lesson from that belief, but it no longer has to hold you back.

So again, it's not about shame or blame, it's really just about appreciation and it's almost like an old recipe that was great at the time, but you're updating that recipe and you're gonna create something new today. So the next step is to reframe it. So now that you've thanked that part, you want to come up with a belief that's more aligned with who you are today, and that's more useful to believe.

So instead of believing, I got burnt, so I believe that cooking is [00:13:00] dangerous. You can believe I can learn to cook safely. In the kitchen and make delicious food for myself and my family. So if you believe I can't trust anyone, you can reframe that to believe I can trust myself to create boundaries and choose better.

If you believe I am not lovable, you can reframe that to believe I am learning to love and be loved in a way that feels safe. Or if you believe I always fail. You can reframe that to believe I am learning from every experience or one of my favorite beliefs, which is there's no such thing as failure, only feedback.

So let's break it down with a real example. Let's say the belief is I can't trust myself to choose the right partner. That's the limiting belief that we've identified. Now you wanna try to identify the root. Where did this belief [00:14:00] come from? Did you have an experience where you had a lot of heartbreak or did you have an experience when you were a child where you felt unlovable?

Or what was it? What was the earliest memory that you have of believing that belief? And think about how does it show up? What are all the things that that belief is holding you back from? Maybe you have some hesitation or some fear around dating. Or maybe you show up to dates and you, you're kind of closed off and won't let yourself open up and become vulnerable with your partners because you just expect that you know it's not gonna work out anyway.

Or you can't trust yourself to choose wisely. And that could either lead you to isolate yourself and not date or end up with partners that aren't really aligned with your values. So next you wanna reframe it. You wanna create a belief that empowers you instead of hold you back or limits you. So you can choose to believe.

Instead, I'm learning to trust myself and my instincts. Every [00:15:00] experience is teaching me what I'm capable of and what I want and what I deserve. So this week I want you to reflect. I want you to ask yourself some questions. Figure out what is your kitchen? What is the thing that's holding you back from the life that you want, from the relationship that you want, the career that you want, or anything that you want?

What's holding you back? And finally ask yourself, what can I believe instead that would be more empowering or more useful for me to believe? Remember, the goal is not to blame or shame yourself for having that belief. It's just to update it. It's just to acknowledge that you have it, that it's limiting you, and to update it and create a belief that's more empowering or more useful for you Today.

You are not the person that got burned. You are not the same person who had that broken heart. You've learned, you've had lessons. You're stronger now. You've had lots of different experiences. You can trust [00:16:00] yourself to hold the pan differently or to do things differently. Because you know, when you start believing different things that are more useful or more motivating, or more positive or more empowering, then your whole life starts to change.

You'll notice your relationships will start to change because you are going to find evidence for believing something that's more useful and more positive. It's kind of like if you go to the dealership and you decide, you know, you buy yourself a red car, then all of a sudden you're driving on the road and you see.

Tons of red cars because that's what you're focusing on. It's the same things with our beliefs. We wanna focus on the beliefs that are more useful or more positive or more empowering so that we can find evidence to support that belief. And you know, you can't see the back of your own head. And sometimes having the guidance or the support of a coach to help you through this process of finding your limiting belief.

[00:17:00] And reframing it, challenge your thinking and help you see things that you can't really see for yourself. It really can be beneficial to work with a coach or to someone else to kind of help you and guide you through that process. So if today's episode resonated with you. I invite you to book a free introductory session with me, and together we can explore what exactly is holding you back and find ways to reframe it.

You can connect with me through odettecornell.com. That's where you can book your session. And also follow me on Instagram, odette Cornell coaching. So until next time, remember that your life and your love are yours to design. [00:18:00]